The Pedestal Problem
In my many years of living in Haiti, I've often observed that the term "disrespectful" seems to serve as a blanket accusation, often masking an underlying expectation of unquestioned obedience. It's made me question: Are people truly being disrespectful, or are they simply refusing to place others on a pedestal? This distinction is critical because, in many cases, what is perceived as "disrespect" is actually just a healthy assertion of autonomy—a rejection of hierarchical structures that demand deference without question.
The concept of the pedestal is not only fictional but also toxic. Every time we place someone on a pedestal, we're unconsciously telling ourselves that we are somehow lesser. But this is neither true nor fair. People are complex, imperfect beings, and reducing someone to an idealized "role model" creates unrealistic expectations for both parties. Those on the pedestal are often forced to maintain an image of perfection that is unattainable, while those observing can feel a sense of inadequacy by comparison.
Why do we value the pedestal? The answer, I believe, lies in something called "object constancy." Object constancy is the psychological ability to hold onto a balanced view of a person, seeing both their good and bad traits simultaneously. When this ability is underdeveloped, we tend to fall into black-and-white thinking.
A lack of object constancy makes it hard to accept the nuances of people. It's easier to divide the world into binaries—heroes and villains, saints and sinners—rather than engage with the complexities that make us human. This cognitive distortion also affects our relationship with ourselves, as we either overestimate our worth when we meet these unrealistic ideals or undervalue ourselves when we inevitably fall short.
In Haiti, as in many other cultures, "Respect" frequently means silence in the face of authority, compliance without challenge. But does this truly foster respect? Or isn’t it merely a reflection of the discomfort we feel when confronted with someone who will not fit into the predefined role we've created for them?
Everyone—ourselves included—is a blend of strengths and weaknesses, virtues and flaws. When we stop idealizing others, we give ourselves the freedom to be human and truly learn the value of ‘respect’.
